We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
