He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
