Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
