I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
