The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
