I accidentally burped into my bong.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
