Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
