when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
