I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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