How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
