I feel like abortions should bother me more
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
