I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
