I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
