Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
