I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
