i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
