sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
