Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Can I color on your dick again?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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