I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
