i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
