Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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