I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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