Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
