Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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