i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
