I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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