So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
