Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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