Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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