I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
