Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
