I puked a lego.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The Olympian is in my bed
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
