sarcasm needs its own font
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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