I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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