i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
