Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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