FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
