i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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