She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
