you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
