If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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