Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm passing your future prison.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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