i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
