Whats the glycemic index on semen?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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