I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
