drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
