i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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