Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
