I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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