Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
