Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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