I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
