i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
