Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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