I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
