9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
