your room smells of hookers.
And success
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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