He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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