I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
