my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
