She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
