i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
