On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
