And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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