The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
