i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i think my cat just said my name.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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