He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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