I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
