btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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