Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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