I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
