Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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