the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
